just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
