I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
