I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
