im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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