If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
