he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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