I think my fart just growled at me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
