omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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