...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
