I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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