I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
