Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
