you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
