I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
