hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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