When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
