They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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