now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
