it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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