Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
