Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
