What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
