Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
