Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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