you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
