why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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