Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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