You made me cry and you don't even care
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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