Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
