if i can run in heels then i can drive
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love you.
Bad choice
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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