Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
