I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
