You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
