All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
