Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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