did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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