I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
