omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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