It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
