Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
