He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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