I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize