Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
