Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dignity is for republicans.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
