Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
