where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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