you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
