The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just gargled with NyQuil
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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