Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
