dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
