There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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