I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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