dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
