a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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