I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
