so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
