Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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