When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
