My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
