Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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