I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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