Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize