You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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