Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
