Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
