I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
