You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
