Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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