Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
