I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's get the cat blown out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
