I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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