saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
