we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
