3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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