Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
