Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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