The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
