So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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