i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
