South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
