I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
